She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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