i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
