The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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