does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
