Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
