I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize