Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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