remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
