She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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