just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
