You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
