I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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