That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
