i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
