we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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