Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
