so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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