My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
