I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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