i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
