If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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