your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
