im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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