So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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