it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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