and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
