i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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