'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize