i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
