got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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