OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
