Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
