i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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