there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
