addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
