the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize