I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
