apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so let's talk penis.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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