What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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