he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
