Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
