I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
