yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
