and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize