the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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