Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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