Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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