your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize