Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
