big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
