i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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