I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
