Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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