I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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