remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I believe in your delicious
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
