My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
