Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
