Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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