paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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