Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
