Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
