Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
