If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
