you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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